woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
