Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
