I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
