i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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