kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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