thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
