If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
