Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
