Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
