I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
