Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
