The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
