Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
