Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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