It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
