Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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