i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i came on her dog
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
