wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
