our cab driver is having phone sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
