Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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