she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
