At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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