Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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