I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
