You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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