you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
