my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize