he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
