Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
