My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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