Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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