I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize