remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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