She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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