I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
