you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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