names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
