1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
