I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
