Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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