Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
