i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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