found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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