btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
