I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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