whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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