I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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