I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
