Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
