Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize