Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
