I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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