upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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