but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
