Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
