cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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